Day One by Abigail Dean

Author:Abigail Dean [Dean, Abigail]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2024-03-26T00:00:00+00:00

YEAR EIGHT

MARTY

Let me tell you something embarrassing. I know, I know: What could be left of me? But this fantasy is still private. Every few weeks, I would think about killing him. When I first got back to Stonesmere, after speaking to Rebecca Gleeson, I would consider doing it myself. I was young enough, I reasoned. I was fit. I didn’t have a great deal left to lose. I would hire somebody to seek him out—Trent, calling from London—and for a long time, I would watch him. I’d imagined him, in those days, as a hulk; and so the killing, when it came, would be noble. Do you know, I would say, what you’ve done to us? Do you know that the school has dismissed me—until things die down—and that there are mornings when I can’t climb from my bed? Do you know that my dad no longer sleeps? That he patrols the house, waiting for one of your kind? That neither of us can acknowledge it; because if we acknowledged it, it would have to be true?

I spent quite some time refining this speech.

After he was sentenced, the fantasy became more elaborate. I had to involve prison guards, insiders. I would find myself entangled in a whole mob saga, just to reach him. It was always worth it. The look of surprise, when they finally did my bidding—

Before I left my flat in the city, I took a cruel little paring knife from the kitchen drawer and set it on top of underwear, chargers, a jacket warm enough for Stonesmere. It was how I passed the drive, once I’d spoken to my dad. Five hours straight. Contemplating: the knife, or piano wire?

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